I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
