Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
