We got so high we made milksteak
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
