Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
