VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
