he puts the penis in happiness.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
