Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
