It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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