I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
