i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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