Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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