doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Boobs speak an international language.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
