Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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