Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
