Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
