And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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