this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're a waste of cheezeits
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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