So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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