He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
