yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
