Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
