I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
