his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
