I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
