So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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