It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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