In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
