worst night to have a conscience
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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