I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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