If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
