If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
