I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize