**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
