I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
