im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
