I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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