Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
