I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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