Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
