I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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