a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
