And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
