youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
