i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
