Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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