the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
