right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's always time for handjobs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
