They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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