so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
