I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
