She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
