So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
