my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
