i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i've created a new STD.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
