Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
