Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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