I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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