We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
