I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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