I faked an abortion last night.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
