yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
