Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
