your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
