Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
