Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
