they need to just BURY HIM!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
