I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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