Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
