But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
