Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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