vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
