I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
