At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
