Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
