i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
