Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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