I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
