Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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