like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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